Docket Number 262 Running Community vs Planet3rry

Balliff: GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLY! ALL RISE for the Honorable Judge Carl Gruber.

Balliff: Judge Gruber, Docket Number 262, Running Community vs. Planet3rry for blatent disregard of Running Statute 1478(a)(3)iii, commonly refered to as the “10% Rule”.

Judge: What is your plea, Mr. Planet3rry.

Planet3rry: Non-Guilty, your Honor.

Judge: What is your stand Mr. Trotter.

Prosecuting Attorney: Your Honor, it is of disrespect to our founding running fathers and to even Phedippies himself that this person would have such reckless disregard for this code of ethics in the running community. to have violated this is a national outrage! We are suggesting that he gets the maximum sentence your honor.

[Courtroom Gasps]

Judge: I see from the lack of another human being sitting next to you that you are going to represent yourself during this trial.

Planet3rry: Yes, your honor.

[Courtroom Gasps]

Judge: Very Well. Mr. Trotter you may proceed.

Mr. Trotter: Thank you your honor. I would like to show this first piece of evidence. Security Camera Footage of the Neyland and 3rd Creek Greenway Junction Parking Lot on the afternoon of October 28th 2008. What we can see here is that the defendant is starting to run at 4:30pm. He then comes back around 7:50pm and then heads out AGAIN!

[Courtroom Gasps]

And returns just before 9:00pm. 4 and ONE half hours of running. FOUR and ONE HALF HOURS! Unless the defendant was walking, he must have gone more than 17 miles!

My Next Piece of evidence is his online training log. IT CLEARLY shows that his running last week was 22.1 miles. TWENTY TWO POINT ONE! and the week before that, 15.2.

[Courtroom Gasps. Woman starts to cry.]

I’m no mathematician, but when I plug this into my Texas Instrument TI-30 Electronic Abacus, I come out with 45% more miles than the week before!

[Courtroom Gasps]

AND…

[Courtroom Gasps]

Out of those miles… 1.75 of them were designated BY the Defendant, HIMSELF as “SPEED”. 16%, dare I say.

Finally, I want to show this court of Law that he traditionally runs 6.1 miles on Thursday. Given his mileage of 22.1 last week, he could ONLY run 24.2 miles this week. Take Away the 6.1 miles and that leaves a total of ONLY 18.1 miles that he could have run on the evening of October 28th, BUT, let me remind you his long run of last tuesday, October 21st, was a mere 16 miles… it was 2-fer and I overlook that detail, so he could only, legally run 17.1 miles… something the video evidence strongly suggest he ran further. The Prosectution rests your honor.

Judge: Thank you, Mr. Trotter. Planet3rry, you have the courtroom.

Planet3rry: Thank you Judge . Four Score and, oh, 7 miles ago, I started the month of October with a goal to make it the best month possible. I had a dream! I wanted to have so many miles under my belt that when it came to marathon time in November that nothing would stand in my way. I would never never never never give up! It’s what I could do for the United States of AH-MERICA! Now, when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, did we let the little rule of don’t fire until fired upon. Oh, okay so we did! But Congress didn’t have to put Japan on secret double probation, nor did we have to triple dog dare Germany to invade Europe. No. We did what Chuck Norris would do… we primped our hair and went out and kicked aaaaa, uh buttocks. We did it for the Red White and the Blue. My resolve for running was stalwart and didn’t need more resolve. So, it’s not that I didn’t want to do the this that I did but I had to do what I did because it’s what I do. My fellow Americans, lets take a stand for peace and for the betterment of the running world, just get out and VOTE! Thank you.

[Courtroom errupts in clapping and clearing. Veterans stand and salute the flag]

Judge: ORDER! ORDER! What kind of garbage was that?

Planet3rry: My Defense sir.

Judge: Are you mocking my courtroom. I do not stand for mockery in my courtroom!

Planet3rry: No sir, understood sir.

Judge: What was your mileage for your run on October 28th?

Planet3rry: Which part, your honor?

Judge: Oh, let’s just say: THE WHOLE RUN!

Planet3rry: Um, 21.6 miles… sir.

Judge: Twenty Wah-MY GOD SAVE MY SOUL!

[Courtroom Gasps. Some get physically ill]

Judge: That’s 43% over your mileage from Last Week by itself. Let me remind you, son, that Running Statute 1478(a)(3)iii, clearly states that “Total weekly mileage shall not exceed the current week’s total milage by more than 10%. Violation of this statute shall result in 5…”

Mr Trotter: “3, your honor”

Judge: “3 weeks of probation, plus 5…”

Mr Trotter: “3, your honor”

Judge: “3 weeks of solitude confinment. Furthermore, mileage which qualifies as “speedwork” as dictated in Section 954 of these Regulations shall have this punishment increased 5…”

Mr Trotter: “No, 5 is right Your Honor”

Judge: “5 fold!”

Planet3rry: “Man, I feel like I am in some Monty Python movie.”

Judge: “I tell you this because I want you to know that when it comes to procedure, I’m not a patient man. I advise you, sir, that when you come into my courtroom, you are to know the letter of the law. I react harshly when you don’t. INSOLANCE. Bailliff, throw him to the Floor!”

Bailliff: “Throw him to the floor? Sir?”

Judge: “YES, I said Throw Him to the Floor, very woughly!”

Planet3rry: “Oh, now we see the violence inherent in the system!”

[Most of this was unoriginal ideas, unscrupulously stolen borrow and “frankensteined” together. References are Former President John F Kennedy, Former President William J Clinton, President George W Bush, Martin Luther King, jr, Bluto from the movie Animal House, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Life of Brian, A Christmas Story, Snickers Commercial or Captain Beefheart, Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Gettysburg Address by Former President Abraham (no middle initial) Lincoln, and Sir Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchhill. The Courtroom Scene along with the Judge and Prosecuting Attorney was inspired from the movie My Cousin Vinny]

******************************

If you saw my Facebook Profile last night, I happened to call myself a “Running Hypocrite”. And given my dialogue of the proceeding above, you know now that it involves the 10% Rule(S). There is actually 2 of them and while they are called rules, they are guidelines really. Created to help avoid injury and a generally good idea.

When I am creating training schedules for those that I coach, I do have the values for these calculated for me, just as a reference point. I really don’t want to beat into the ground those I am trying to help. There is some merit to not taxing the body too much in a given week, but you’d really want it to be a “moving” 7 days and not just a bracketed Sunday-Saturday week to really do the 10% Rule. You don’t miraculously heal on Saturday night.

The Rules suggest that you shouldn’t run more than 10% of the total mileage from the week before and you should not increase your speed work by more than 10% then the week before.

Where I called myself out was that last night I ran 21.6 miles. I had only planned on running 12 miles, but then I missed lunchtime run, so I was going to run 16 miles. While running, I realized that I had miscalculated and that if I was going to run 16, I was going to have to do some weird route. I then realized that if I added Cherokee Boulevard to my run, that would add 5 miles of good hill work on crushed gravel and it would be early in the workout. So, I elected to do that.

Once on my way back to car, I was trying to figure out my mileage and I realized that instead of running 15 miles, I was actually running 16.6 miles. Yeah, I totally had deleted the 0.8 stretch from 3rd Creek to Cherokee Boulevard as miles that I was running! So on the way back to the car, I decided that if i felt well, not necessarily good or perky, that I would run for another 6 miles. Being dark when I started out from the car, I negotiated with myself that I would run 5 miles and that would be “safer” and that would put me at 21.6 miles.

So, what’s so wrong with that? Well, today starts my official taper. I NEVER recommend that people run more than 20 miles less than 4 weeks out, much less 17 days out from Race Day. I aim for the Longest Run (around 22-23) to be perferably 6 weeks out, with another big run at 4 weeks (18-19) out and then drops off from there, leading into the taper. Now, I do customize training programs on the fly, so there might be a time that we might “bend” the rules here and there, but to blatantly run an extra 5 miles…. uh, right in front of my own face is hypocracy.

Apart from the 2 seconds of guilt that I had for running 22.6 miles, I think my times were pretty good. I did have some “technical difficulties” but I think I can fix those before Race Day. Now that I am in “Taper Bubble” I need to start to get intimate with the courses and what to expect. I may even drive to Rutledge to see the course with my own eyes. No one has run this particular route as a marathon before and so I have no information about it. Harpeth Hills on the other hand BOASTS about its hills and monkeys and how runners don’t survive… free cemetery plot with every registration.

I have taken some extra protein to help with muscle recovery and i am not that sore yet. One weird thing is that I am not that hungry… typically, I would be famished and be eating everything I could, but actually, I haven’t had that much out of the ordinary today.

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About planet3rry

Marathoner, A Terry of all trades
This entry was posted in running. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Docket Number 262 Running Community vs Planet3rry

  1. darrell says:

    What a fun read. As long as you don’t overdo too often, I think you’ll be fine.

  2. Susan says:

    You are a bad, bad boy!

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