I was looking at my neighborhood pharmacy, Walgreens (one on every corner), for a decongestant for The Younger. I’m usually fine with buying generic medicines since they are all just placebos anyway, why not get the cheapest you can. So, I am looking for the Children’s Sudafed in the sea of choice. There’s a decongestant – expectorant, expectorant – cough suppressant, daytime, nighttime, liquid, capsule, liqicap, etc and all the boxes look very similar.
So, I find the Children’s Sudafed and look for the Generic Counterpart, but it’s no where to be seen. I look at my choices: There is Children’s Sudafed Raspberry and Children’s Sudafed Grape. Except that with the Grape Flavor, there is just a card that you take to the pharmist. The pharmisist enters in your driver’s license information (yes, you have to show ID as long as you have a pulse) and see’s if you are on “The List”.
Sudafed, or specifically pseudoephedrine , is one of the key ingredients for methamphetamine (Crystal Meth). Since in East Tennesseee, the greatest amount of fun comes from talking about University of Volunteers, cow tipping and making crystal meth, our section of the planet is a hotspot for unlicense pharmaceutical companies. So much in fact our Govenor has created a Task Force to combat these unregulated processing facilities. As part of the fight against Crystal Meth, Sudafed (and it’s generic counterpart) is regulated to an extent that you can’t go from store to store buying multi-packs of Sudafed.
“10 packs of 96 count Sudafed? That’s quite a bit.”
“Yeah, I’m really sick. Do you have acetone here?”
So even the liquid version of Sudafed is regulated. Well, the grape flavor at any rate since that version contains the pseudoephedrine. The Raspberry flavor you could leave the store without ID at $6.99. Sitting right next to the unregulated Raspeberry Children’s Sudafed were the cards for the Grape Children’s Sudafed. You can, as a parent, decide to give your kid the pseudoephedrine-version, for “medicinal purposes” which is cheaper… don’t get that one. Maybe it’s a refund for having to go through all the work of taking the card to the pharmacist, I dunno. Perhaps the Task Force is betting that Meth Heads tripped out of their minds will pick up the unregulated version to make their Meth. Of course, this would be the same crew that would go to and get a Keg of O’Douls so they could get drunk.
So, if you are ever offered some Raspberry Meth, don’t believe them, Meth Heads prefer Grape.